Weekly Review: Transformers – The Last Knight (2017)

In a world where humans are at war with both Autobots and Decepticons, an unlikely alliance must discover the hidden secrets of the past in order to save the modern world.

What the what?

Look, I know the Transformers franchise has never been considered good cinema. I recognize that each installment in the franchise has become progressively worse in one way or another. This though? What is this?

I honestly don’t know where to start with The Last Knight. There are so many negatives that I want to address, and there really aren’t many positives. There may be no positives at all.

Screen Shot 2017-11-01 at 1.42.34 AM

As with every other installment, The Last Knight is directed by Michael Bay. I’m not a big fan of Michael “Star Spangled ‘Splosions” Bay. I do not hide that fact. In all honesty though, this movie is a new low for him. He has officially lost it. What on Earth?

The Last Knight brings back Mark Wahlberg (Transformers: Age of Extinction), Josh Duhamel (Transformers), John Turturro (Transformers), as well as the voice talents for all the Transformers. It brings in Anthony Hopkins (The Silence of the Lambs), Laura Haddock (Guardians of the Galaxy), Isabela Moner (100 Things to Do Before High School), and some others.

Despite having a decent cast, The Last Knight is plagued by poor character writing and dialogue. The performances feel wooden. I felt myself not caring about anyone or anything that was going on throughout the convoluted story. Scenes that were supposed to be emotional or devastating had absolutely no effect on me. It’s pretty sad when even Anthony Hopkins can’t save a film.

There was just so much going on. There were so many storylines getting shoved together. It felt like there was no focus at all. A significant amount of time would be devoted to what looked like a storyline, only to set up a poor attempt at a joke. It was really painful to see.

On top of that, the pacing is so awful that it felt like the movie was never going to end. I was very dismayed at one point when I realized I was only 50 minutes in to a 149 minute movie. After 90 minutes, I still had no idea what was going on or where this story was headed.

Even if I was somewhat interested in the story, I couldn’t get past the aspect ratio changes. I know most films change aspect ratio situationally or between scenes, and when it does happen it’s usually concealed very well. This movie though… This movie changes aspect ratio after almost every cut. It switches between at least three different ratios every 30 seconds. Why? Just why?

Bay is known for his gratuitous use of explosions in all of his films, and this is no exception. Honestly, this movie feels like it’s typical Bay amplified to beyond ridiculous levels. There are more explosions, more action scenes, more offensive jokes, just more everything than what I could have ever braced myself for.

The Last Knight begins in medieval times. The time period gets the Michael Bay treatment. Who would have thought there were that many explosions back then? Merlin is introduced as a drunk who enlists the help of a Transformer in order to win a battle with the Celts. The rest of the movie attempts to place Transformers throughout the entire human history.

It just feels like a hodgepodge of everything, and I didn’t find it nearly as glorious as I was supposed to.

Overall, I really despised this movie. By the end of it, I truly felt like my eyeballs were about to fall out of my skull. I might actually dislike Michael Bay more now than I did when this movie began. I tried my best to formulate my thoughts into words through this review, but I still don’t think I was able to describe my feelings in full.

Let’s just say, when I first watched Transformers: Age of Extinction, I really did not like that movie. I thought it was pretty awful. While watching Transformers: The Last Knight, I wished I was watching Age of Extinction instead. At least I knew what i was looking at in that one.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie. It’s extremely chaotic. If you’re gonna watch it, you just really have to brace yourself to go into something that is beyond mindless entertainment. I didn’t even find it entertaining.

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